Tomboy
In Turkish
literature, there is an idiom that says; “If a grandfather eats a sour apple,
as a result of this, his grandson’s teeth can be set on edge.” I believe that
people's characters start to form before their birth, even before their lives
in their mothers’ wombs. In addition, our gender socializations start before
our birth. Even our parents’ partner choices can affect our future
socialization. Not only these, but also their gender and social orientations affect
our life experiences, too. If we talk about destiny and free will, how can we
separate them from all complicated social and individual webs that surround us?
This paper will explain some part of our gender identities, and its
institutional structures by using the movie called “Tomboy” as an example to
frame this issue sociologically. Moreover, hopefully I will try to answer some
of my research questions such as: What is the definition of “tomboy” and what
is the relationship in between “tomboy” image and symbolic violence? Based on
the movie called “Tomboy” and the supports of the articles, how the gendered labels
or images and dualistic gender identities put limitations on our lives? In
addition, if a person want to challenge with this “tomboy” image, rigid gender
frames, gendered colors and dress codes, what kinds of symbolic violence might
occur as a result of these and why? These questions will be my academic spot
lights to gains some knowledge about this specific issue.
First
of all, when I was searching the various meaning of “Tomboy,” I found that it
has also the opposite notion which is “sissy.”
Tomboy means that a girl who is acting likes a boy. From one another
perspective; we might also say tomboy is a girl who does not follow the social
codes of a common girl profile and some of her behaviors and choices about her
dress preferences and actions overlap with boys’ gender codes in the society (Urban
Dictionary). We have a similar notion in Turkish which is equal to “male
Fatima.” Interestingly in the English version, there is a boy name in the label,
but in Turkish one we have a female name for the same image. I guess the
Turkish one is showing a bigger resistance against this image by choosing a
female name for this adjective and refusing to have a male name for a girl even
as a sociological label. I decided to use “Tomboy,” movie as a skeleton of this
paper is made by French director; Céline Sciamma. “Tomboy” is a realistic movie
and it has many pure symbolic attributions which I extremely admired. This is
the director’s second long shot movie. The main story was created around a
little girl whose name is Laure (10) normally, but after her and her family's
move to a new neighborhood, she introduced herself as Michael. Her new
neighbor/friend believed her because of her dress code and physical appearance
and then the Tomboy’s story begins.
If
we would not have any information about the movie or did not know the name of
it, we could think that the main character is surely a boy, but she is not. I
think this is giving us some important messages, too. If we were not aware of
the person’s “real” sex, our expectations would be different, but the person
was the same person and his or her character, the things that made him or her
to close to us were still the same. This is our contradictions to us and our interlocutor. In the movie, we never saw someone use “tomboy” label, but it is
embeded in the movie as an image. In our daily lives, people use this label to
marginalize the misfits, but in this movie we see the social codes and
society’s reaction to a misfit girl who seeks her gender indentity and we
create a connection between her situation and
tomboy label by the help of the movie’s title.
The main character of the movie; Laure/Michael’s “tomboy”
condition was not new after their moving. According to Laure’s mother; she has
playing mostly with boys and dressing like boys for many years. The audience of
the movie, who could not figure out her sex for a while, recognizes her
“reality” when she took a shower. During the movie, as audience we always catch
Laure while she is comparing her body with boys’ and check herself on mirrors
with unsatisfied look. In my opinion, she does not have any problem with her
body, but she wants to be accepted as a boy and society has some criteria’s for
this and she is sacred to not have these criteria or lose them during her
puberty. She was having a conflict between her sex and gender. Because she did
not have any feminine shape on her body, yet, she was happy and did not have
any problem with her physical appearance. However, her routine mirror checks
were showing deep and heavy worries about her future image and possible
conflict feelings. After meeting with the girl who was living in the next
apartment and introducing herself as a boy called Michael, they went to a group
of boys and started to play with them. All of these boys met with Laure as a
boy and accepted her as their same gender friend. Laure hid this from her
parents. At the beginning of the movie, we saw that her father was compatible
with her condition and dress code preferences. He was also teaching her how to
drive on his lap even though she was not even legally eligible to drive, yet.
Her mother was very happy at the beginning, because Laure told her that she met
with a girl from the next door. Her mother felt good, because she said that
Laure was always friend with boys in their old neighborhood. So, from this
comment we understand that there is an expectation for her and also for us to
socialize with our same gender people more than the others.
The first symbol and maybe hidden symbolic violence
attribution was mentioned by color codes in our societies. When Laure and her
family moved to the new apartment, her mother gave her the key of their home
with a pink lace to make her carry the keys on her neck. Because, of Laure’s
official gender and based on her body structure, her mother prepared a pink
lace for her. However, Laure took off her sport shoes from its box and took one
of the white shoestrings and converted it to an alternative apparatus
for her keys, so she can carry it without being shy. White was also matching
with her “fake” boy identity. She was feeling like a boy and trying to be a one
by practicing socially accepted gender roles for boys to fit in this category.
We can mention this scene’s symbolic meaning and importance from several ways.
First, by the color preference of the mother; there are color codes
and frames for different genders such as pink for girls and blue for boys. In
addition, Laure’s reaction to her mother’s choice by changing the pink lace to
a white lace is also internalization of this social acceptance and choosing the
male code for her to fit it in this category when she is around with boys (Eksisinema).
Another symbolic scene was the soccer game and children’s
reactions to each other and critiques based on their genders. When Larue asked
to her girlfriend as Michael; why she was not playing soccer; she said that she
was a girl and the boys thought that she cannot play it very well and she was
thinking the same way. At the beginning, Laure was nervous to join the game,
but then after a while she started to play with boys and became very successful
player. After a while, she admired the boys who take off their t shirt during
the game. After some checking in front of a mirror, one day she decided to take
off her t shirt and continued the game. No one realized any differences, so
Laure became very happy. This scene was very interesting, because it shows that
our gender structures start very early in the society. Even when the boys’ and
girls’ physical appearances are so similar or same, we accept boys if they walk
around topless, but we expect from the girls that they need to wear something
on them even though they do not have any breast, yet. For instance we make them
to wear bras or bikinis even in their early childhoods. Another thing that
captures people’s attention who watches the movie from some curious and
sociological perspective is that in this scene the other girl says that because
of her gender she cannot play soccer very well. We see that this girl
internalize the common social acceptance about girls’ abilities and
“disabilities” same as boys. However, Laure by switching her gender role, she
was able to break this stereotype in our mind and was very successful about the
game even better than the boys in her team.
In addition, in the class from the section called “Sport and
Intersectionality” we learned that sport is also structured by the dominant
power and mentality of the society which is extremely masculine. Sports,
especially the competitive ones, help the society reproduce the gender codes
(Butler 1995). We can use sports as a mirror of our society. We can see all
gender codes in the sports’ nature. Sports teach us how to act and where to
stand as men and women. It produces naturalization of hegemony of dominant
power, social gender codes and common sense about all situations (Kane &
Lenskyj, 1998). It is a tool of social construction. Unfortunately, we are
products of our society, but society is our product, too. This gives us a
little hope. In the movie, boys were eliminating Laure’s girlfriend because of
her gender. They were thinking that because of her gender, she cannot play
soccer very well, but if Laure was able to play very well, this prejudice is
wrong. According to Messner, “Men’s practices of sport and sport culture
reinforce their power and privilege over women and emphasize their bodily
“superiority” over women” (Messner 2002). I think, to break this rigid
stereotype, we need to have some mix teams for sport competitions and races. We
can also create some new games that are more useful for mix gendered
teams.
Moreover, if we
back to the movie, when the boys needed to go bathroom during the game, they
were peeing near by the soccer court. Laure felt bad when she saw them and
realized that even though she was playing topless, she cannot compete or
achieve this same as boys. She was leaving the area and going to the forest to
relief herself. She felt weak and disabled because of this comparison. When she
was going to the forest to use the land for toilet, people were also finding
this feminine for a “boy.” Some of them followed her to make fun about it and
when they were almost seeing her while she was peeing like a girl, she stood up
and pretended peeing like a boy and ruined her dress and run to home ashamed. In
this part, I felt angry to masculine double standards about being gentle in the
society. Just because of their physical ability, boys and men feel comfortable
to pee in public. I see these in parks when some mothers made their boys pee in
public if they have hard time to find toilet in a close distance, but I did not
see them to let their daughters’ to relief themselves in public even though
they are very little. Thankfully, we have some laws against men for these kinds
of misbehaviors.
Moreover,
after Laure managed to play without her t shirt and gained some confidence
about her body image and her desired gendered role, her friend invited her to
swim with them. First, she was so nervous and unhappy about this invitation,
because of the swimming suits. She did not have any male swimsuit and more
important than this she was concerned about how she can swim with boys and her girlfriend
without disclosing her “fake” identity. She cut her female style, red swimsuit
and converted it to a boy’s swimsuit and checked herself in the mirror. Her
physical appearance was a fiasco for her current condition. After a while, when
her sister was playing with play dough, she decided to create a prosthetic
penis from the play dough for her and she did it. She put it in her swimsuit
and checks herself again on the mirror. The result was convincing her and us;
the audience. She managed to swim with boys without losing her fake gender
identity. I mentioned this identity as a fake, but actually who decide the
normal, real and fake identity. Based on the society’s common perspective; her
gender identity is fake, but I believe that ethically we need to accept
people’s individual identity preference as normal, unique the way they mention and
prefer. Normally, we should not have any power or right to label people’s
individual preferences as fake or real.
During
the movie, we have many opportunities to watch and compare Larue and her
sister’s femininity and un-femininity. Her sister was doing ballerina dance and
always wears pink and girlish dresses. Larue’s dress codes were identical with
typical boys. She was practicing how to spit like a man, she keep her hair
short, plays soccer, when her girlfriend emphasized that she had feeling about
her, she responded her emotionally and let her kiss Laure from her lips. All of
these are rituals of specific gender codes that are rigid in the society. Laure
is a small girl. She was not challenging these structures, but she wanted to
fit in another one that she should not belong to, because of her sex.
In addition,
Laure’s girlfriend from the neighborhood was inviting her to their house. She
refused the invitations for several times to avoid her friend to come their
house later, but then one day she visited her. Her friend made makeup to her
and told her that if she was a “girl,” she could be very pretty. Laure, as
Michael, felt irritated and at the same time she felt safe because her girlfriend
did not realized her as a girl even with feminine makeup. She hid her face under
the hood of her shirt and when she arrived at home, her mother saw her with makeup
and became very happy and over reacted. This scene was very important, too,
because by this part we realized that her mother was at least sad or afraid of
her masculine or un-feminine appearance and when she had a makeup even though
it was without her desire, this made Laure’s mother happy. Her mother thought
that Laure was starting to accept the social norms and losing her male dominant
feelings.
Several
weeks later, Laure’s girlfriend came to her door and asked for Laure by
mentioning her as Michael to her sister. Her sister did not reveal Larue’s
secret, but she felt confused. When Laure came back to the house, her sister questioned
her that why she introduced herself as Michael. Laure did not give her an enough
explanation, but negotiated with her to make her silenced. As a reward of her
silence and acceptance, Laure let her sister come with her to all friend
meetings. She was not letting her before to hide her secret. After receiving an
acceptance from her sister, Laure’s double gender identity became stronger and
safer. However, I felt sadder after this part, because this created a dualistic
reality for two people. Laure’s sister started to talk about her sister’s boy
version; Michael as a friend of Laure. Unfortunately, when Laure involved a
fight to save her sister from a trouble, the boy’s mother that she kicked
really bad came to their house and Laure’s mother faced with her daughter’s
dual gender identity and shocked.
Laure’s mother became a little
violent against her after this shock of her daughter’s dual gender identity.
She made her wear a female dress and forced her to go to her friends’ houses
with her to disclose her secret and emphasized her “real” gender identity. She
told Laure that she was not care too much about her “Michael” identity, but if
she continues that lie, she would have a lot of trouble in the society. She did
not offer any support to challenge this rigid structure in their environment
and not help her to gain her own, desired gender identity. Laure’s mother
was worried about her school term. When the school semester starts, Laure’s
double gender identity will be disclosed. Unfortunately, to avoid this, Laure’s
mother forced her to practice common expectancies and made her wear girl dress
and declares that she was a girl. All of her friend became shocked and made fun
of her after realizing her lie. Her girlfriend was surprised and after a while
she stopped blaming, but questioning her. Her father was more silent and
telling her that it will pass. Laure was crying and telling that when it is
going to pass. Her father was talking about Laure’s situation like a temporary
illness which was actually a search of an identity. Bourdieu calls this “mental structures.” By
these reactions, Laure’s parents help the society’s gender structure continue
and force people to fit in its frames (Bourdieu).
In
the society, we generally define and imagine violence as physical actions. I
believe that because of our wrong and incomplete definition of violence, we do
not have enough ability to understand the violence especially the symbolic and
structural ones in our daily lives and practices. During the semester, we
learned that “Violence isn’t an act of an individual or an issue of
consciousness, domination is socially structured and part of our socialization;
this makes it seem natural instead of social” (Bourdieu, 1990). Because of this
naturalization, we all reproduce this symbolic violence by internalizing it. In
Laure’s experience, all of her friends and her family were a part of this
symbolic violence by forcing her to choose the female gender identity and
criticizing her for trying a new path for her rather than the ready one. Her
family, as a social agent was internalizing the gender structures of the
society and when she was acting like a misfit for her female frame, they were
sad and angry. Their reactions might be not violent physically, buy
psychologically they were reproducing a symbolic violence.
At the end of the movie, Laure, the tomboy, went to the
forest and took off her blue long dress and hanged it on a tree and continued
her way. In my opinion, Laure killed her female gender identity inside herself by
this behavior, metaphorically. After this scene, we saw Laure in her house’s
balcony. She saw her girlfriend and went near her where they have met with each
other at the beginning. Interestingly, they started to meet with each other
again and introduced themselves again, but this time Laure introduced herself
with her female identity with a smile. This end is very impressive. We may say
that she internalized the society’s pressure and social structure’s gender
roles and as a proof of this acceptance; she introduced herself as Larue and
they started from the beginning for the second time. In addition, we may
understand this scene as a sincere postpone. Laure might be postponing her
other, real identity until the day she gain a better power in the society to
carry her unique identity that she named as Michael. The end of the movie has
two possible options that are available for the audience which I really like.
In one of them; the main character is pacified by the society and in the other
one; there is an open end and hope for a free will for Laure’s future identity.
Moreover,
based on several sources that read, I learned that there is a family in Toronto
that they decided to not give a gender identity to their child (Storm Stocker) and not
share the child’s physical sex with people. The parents mentioned that they decided to raise their
child without regard to gender. Storm Stocker’s
mother said that the baby
being raised with only a few people knowing his or her sex. She defended her
family's choice to raise their child without regard to gender. The
parent’s choice received many critical responses from Canadians. In addition, a parent whose name is Cheryl Kilodavis experienced
similar things when she allowed her 5-year-old son to dress up as a princess
for Halloween. A Swedish couple also decided to raise their two year old
child as gender-neutral.
We will learn more about these choices results in the future.
According to ABC News internet site we learned that Dr.
Eugene Beresin said that "To raise a child not as a boy or a girl is
creating, in some sense, a freak. It sets them up for not knowing who they are” (Abcnews). I do
not agree with the doctor about this the explanation. I wonder why we have to
accept our gender identities and roles as the key stones of who we are. Yes,
our all accepted identities are parts of ourselves, but why do we have to be
hurry and let our parents decide it for ourselves before we know ourselves.
People criticize these kinds of examples, because when the society has hard
time to put each individual in a rigid category, the society and dominant power
feel less powerful and losing its power and right to label everyone and
everything. For this reason, when we come across with uncommon practices,
society becomes aggressive and reacts with inhumane ways. If Laure’s parents
and the society were able to respond same as her sister, everything could be
more humanistic and she would not have to postpone her identity seeking
journey.
Moreover, after
reading more news about the gender naturel baby; Storm, a reporter from The Star
internet site visited Storm and the family. I learned that Storm is a happy child and according to the
parent’s; “sometimes Storm says ‘I’m a girl,’ and sometimes Storm says ‘I’m a
boy.” Storm’s parents were emphasizing the contrary to people’s criticizes;
“the gender doesn’t actually take up a lot of air time in her family” (TheStar).
As we can see, in this story the only violence and problem is the society and
its aggressive pressure. When I write this paragraph, my fingers went to the
keyboard to write him or her to mention Storm, but why do we have to feel that we
have to talk about people as he or she besides their unique names. I have same
critique for God’s common male, masculine pronoun in many languages including English.
My God is neither male nor female. For
this reason, the language itself creates pressure on me with its grammatical
acceptance. This is a symbolic violence, too, which I do not want to
internalize it.
Ultimately, all of these intellectual
journeys, by the help of academic sources, made me to think about our gendered
names. I wish we could have all unisex names at least temporally until we chose
the permanent one by our own free will. Even our gendered names shape our
gender identity and sexual preferences. Not only had these, but also these
names even shaped our ideological, religious paths, too. All of these
“invisible” structures have some embedded symbolic violence in their mechanisms
that we have to alter. Functionalists may say that these structures are useful
and they are here for reasons, but obviously these structures create social
dictatorships. We also learned that according to essentialism; our social behaviors and beliefs result from our
birth and strong characteristics that leads us to naturalize the domination. We
need to question our common realities, dominant social codes and think that
there are other possible options that we do not know, yet because we have never
experience them. The movie called “Tomboy,” gives this opportunity to us.
Bibliography:
Bourdieu,
Pierre and Wacquant, Loic. “Symbolic Violence.” 1990.
Butler, Judith. “Gender Trouble.” 1990.
“Canadian
Mother Raising 'Genderless' Baby, Storm, Defends Her Family's Decision.”
December, 09.
Retrieved by (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/genderless-baby-controversy- mom-defends-choice- reveal-sex/story?id=13718047).
Definition of “Tomboy:” December, 03.
Retrieved by
Kane
& Lenskyj. “Mediasport”
1998. London and New York: Routledge.
Messner,
Michael. “Women, Men and Sports.” 2002. Univ Of
Minnesota Press.
“News
about Gender Naturel Child: Storm Stocker.” December, 09.
Retrieved by
The Story of “Tomboy:” December, 03.
Retrieved by
